May 19, 2012

Slow Note

There is something i want to tweet about. But if i do so, i won't stop. So it's better to blog.


Anyway congrats to anyone who's still blogging. A dying passion i guess. Some blog for fame, some blog for money. Some blog to express, some blog to note. Whatever the reason it is, if you think what you are doing is right, then you are right. It's like a key of being yourself. You do for your own reason.


I want to write on how confuse i am right now. On how am i suppose to deal with this problem(person) of mine.


I want to write on how afraid i am right now. On how am i suppose to deal with this another problem(person) of mine.


I want to write on how hateful i am right now. On how am i suppose to deal with this another problem(person) of mine.


Basically, my self is being hectic. With all these issues came at once. Dealing with more than one problem. Different issues with different angles.


Too dim i guess. Here's a relief.


Tadi main futsal, haram jad tak dapat gol satu pun.


Naharrooommm!


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I've been silent. I've been ignorant. In hoping you will understand, i need your acceptance


I've been silent. I've been ignorant. In hoping you will understand, i need your support.


I've been silent. I've been ignorant. In hoping you will understand, i need your respect.


i guess being silent is the least enough you could do. We need to voice out. We need to wake up. We need to stand up. But sometimes, when you're sure that they all understand you as your friend, who shares the same wave length of heart and mind, live in the same own world, silent is enough. Being silent is loud enough to make them hear our voice, our demand, our hope..

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Hanging around waiting is the most lonely thing you could ever do. We already gave our hand and waiting for reaching. We already gave our question and waiting for the answer.


It's like we are in a dark dimension. We don't know exactly what we're doing. But we do know what we really want. To get out of there. And we stupidly convinced ourselves, we already made our moves. As the reality is, even ourselves don't know are we moving as we can't even see our body. I am really confused.

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And at the same moment. I'm afraid of losing something. Something precious.


We can not move without a support in our lives. Just like a body without a spine. Just because some glitchy feelings are shared together it can destroy all that are built. And i don't want to lose that.


This i see as a support.

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Being a joke is never fun. But it's a happiness on its very own way. We laugh. We create something called memories. We living our lives. And when we're getting used to it, someone will always wanted more. Someone will always step onto a higher degree. And we respect that by lying ourselves. We hurt our pride by making them feel good. And that's the hectic side of it.


We will fall. We will fall too deep no one will give a fuck about it. At the very shit-least they will pretend.


And it's hard to climb up again. It's hard to gain back your respect, your pride, your existence. You will not be helped, as you are on your own. Even they understand, even they knew, our humanly instinct to be in a safe zone will take its part. They will ego-ishly talk about it with others just to loosen up their heart and mind a bit. Just to make themselves feel at ease. I really hate it.

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Sad isn't it.


For know i convince my self. The fastest way to make up for it is humbleness and modesty. I have to learn being that. Those are some of the seeds of respect tree.


Keep silent and ignorant. Even you can't recognize your broken heart anymore.


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another shitty joke is expected like always.